Today’s media often portrays fathers negatively and in many derogatory ways. Many times as incompetent, selfish, stupid, foolish, uninvolved individuals who don’t have a clue about their kids, wives or even life. Not a positive role model by any means and certainly not one that a child would want to respect or emulate. There are however many great role models of fatherhood, who contrary to popular media, do an excellent job of fulfilling the useful and God ordained role of ‘father’. The most perfect example is our Heavenly Father.
He is perfect in all things and exemplifies all characteristics and qualities a father should have – perfectly. It is His perfect example of what we as fathers should want to be and are commanded to be. After having shared higher and holier ways of living in the Sermon on the Mount, Christ taught “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:48
He is perfect, He loves us with perfect love, and our happiness and success are of greatest importance to him.
He said “For behold, this is my work and my glory —to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Moses 1:39
If we are to be ‘perfect’ fathers as Christ taught, we must model our lives after our perfect Father. Anything less would fall short of His plan for each one of us.
We, His literal spirit children, are currently living a mortal existence. We have weaknesses and are less than perfect. Even so, because we are His children, we have infinite capacity to become as He is and to overcome our weaknesses and all things through the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. This is what He wants for us and what He has planned for us.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World states “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”
Perhaps an understanding of what these roles are and how our Heavenly Father exemplifies them will be instructional to our becoming ‘perfect’ fathers.
Presides
The definition of preside is “To exercise guidance, direction, or control”.
If we are to preside in love and righteousness, we must firstly do our best to be righteous and love unfailingly. Our spouses and children deserve our very best. What is our very best? If God’s work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, shouldn’t this be our work also?
There is nothing we can do about the immortality of man, this has already been assured through the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ. So it is our work to preside within our homes in a way that we help bring to pass the eternal life of our spouses, children and ourselves. So our ‘best’ is doing the things that our Heavenly Father would do to help our family to receive eternal life with our Heavenly Father.
God presides in righteousness, with charity, unfailing love, compassion and understanding – not control, coercion, anger or force, but by “persuasion, by long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned”(D&C 121:41-42), always seeing the ultimate end as our eternal life with Him.
Our Heavenly Father accomplishes His work of bringing about our eternal life by:
⁃ Teaching us principles and doctrines (boundaries), then gives us agency, or the ability to choose to do them.
⁃ Teaching us how to love unfailingly.
o “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs when repented of. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres, never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) God loves all his children unfailingly. When we do something wrong, It is not Him that pulls away from us, but we that pull away from Him. His love is always there.
⁃ Loving us even though we make bad choices and decisions.
⁃ Loving us so much, He has given his beloved Son Jesus Christ to atone for our mistakes and poor choices, share our pains and sorrows.
⁃ Loving us enough to let us go through challenges that help us to grow and progress. We are not able to see the end as he is able to do. During these times of difficulty and trial we may not feel or think He loves us. But He does, and is there for us if we seek Him.
⁃ Not giving us everything we want, but he does give us everything we need to become all He knows we can become.
⁃ Giving us time alone to ponder what we have done and what we should do, then He is there when we need Him.
⁃ Teaching us to forgive when mistakes are made. Giving some correction (reproving) that is needed and deserved, especially when mistakes are more serious, but then He shows an increase in love;
⁃ Teaching us to counsel with Him, “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.” (Alma 37:33, 36–37.) The beauty of counseling is that we are able to make better, wiser choices. Taking action on His counsel is a crucial step to becoming more like him.
⁃ Teaching us proper relationships with our wives “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
⁃ Teaching us proper relationships with our children – “And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness. But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”(Mosiah 4:14-15)
He leads or presides by example of love and righteousness. He is wise and all-knowing. He knows and loves each of us perfectly. Because He is all-knowing and loving, He allows us to have struggles and challenges that allow us to grow and become like Him and His Son Jesus Christ.
He does not exert His power. God is all powerful and can do all things. He could force us to do all He asks. But, because He loves us, He chooses not to. He knows we will grow and progress through learning, through our own experiences. When forced to do things our learning is lessened. It is His objective for us to become perfect as He is perfect. By allowing us to make mistakes, He allows us, encourages us, to grow. We always get to choose. He does all He can to persuade us to make good choices. Through apostles, prophets, scriptures and promptings of the Holy Ghost, God makes us aware of what is right, gives us choice, typically telling us why and what the consequences will be, but he always allows us to make the decision. He does not force, though He commands. He wants us to change today, though He is long suffering, patient, and always takes the eternal view of all things. He gives us guidance, and chooses not to control us. He encourages us in all things, and still loves us even when we fall.
As parents we don’t force our children to walk. We encourage them. If they fall, do we chastise them? Of course not. We know it’s part of the learning and strengthening process. God gives us opportunities for growth and guidance, direction and example, he does not try to control us. Rather He chooses to encourage and empower us so that through our growth we are able to accomplish greater things. Line by line, precept by precept.
God presides (leads) in righteousness with unfailing and perfect love, compassion, and empathy. God is the perfect Father.
Provides
The definition of ‘provide’ is “to supply or make available, ‘ (Merriam-Webster dictionary https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/preside).
“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
God provides everything we need in this life – all our spiritual, emotional and physical needs.
This of course does not mean He will provide all our physical or emotional wants – we need far less than we typically want. Giving us everything we want and pray for would be detrimental to our faith (one of the main purposes we are on earth), and our spiritual and emotional growth and development.
God is a loving father and cares a great deal for us. He is also wise and sees the beginning to the end. He knows what we need and will provide what we need to ensure our eternal growth and development. He knows our eternal capacity and provides experiences for our optimum growth. Sometimes these experiences are difficult and painful.
Exactly what does our Heavenly Father provide?
⁃ Life
⁃ Light
⁃ Love
⁃ Truth
⁃ Peace and comfort
⁃ Redemption from the fall,
⁃ Forgiveness for our mistakes,
⁃ Power over death
⁃ Opportunity and ability to return to live with him through Jesus Christ his Son
⁃ This earth, its beauty and wealth of resources, worlds without end
⁃ Guidance and direction through righteous principles, commandments and teachings that bring joy, success, well-being and prosperity
⁃ Answers to heartfelt prayers
⁃ Power and strength to help and bless others
⁃ Boundaries to help us succeed, experience lasting joy and happiness, and keep us from harm
⁃ Influence of the third member of the Godhead to guide us and comfort us
Heavenly Father is involved in the details of our lives. Because of His perfect love, He blesses us not only according to our desires and needs but also according to His infinite wisdom.
Brook P Hales said:
“One aspect of that perfect love is our Heavenly Father’s involvement in the details of our lives, even when we may not be aware of it or understand it.” ”(Answers to prayers – April 2019)
The scriptures teach “For your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him, (Matthew 6:8) He “knoweth all things, for all things are present before eyes.” (D&C 38:2)
God provides the necessities of our lives. He is the perfect Father.
Protect
The definition of protect is “To cover or shield from exposure, injury, damage, or destruction” (Merriam-Webster dictionary https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/protect)
He protects us spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Spiritually –
Redemption from the fall
Commandments keep us from self-inflicted harm, and from losing our agency to substances and temptations
Atonement protects us from eternal punishment
Emotionally
As we embrace the teachings of His Son, we have greater love – no hate, increased gratitude – no anxiety, jealousy or depression, more empathy – less judgement, more peace – less conflict.
While God protects us from many things, He does not protect us from heart breaks, physical ailments, natural consequences of our decisions, or emotional challenges.
There may be experiences or events in our lives that we don’t want, are difficult and painful for us, we may ask, “What I am supposed to do with this?” We may wonder how a loving, caring Father could allow such horrible things to happen. It’s especially difficult when we are living and doing what He asks us to do. These events may be so painful or life changing that we begin to question whether He exists or if He really cares. How can a loving God allow this to happen? Be secure in knowing He cares about you, He is aware of you and your trials, and He will never forsake you.
Perhaps as a parent, you have had experiences where your child’s heart is broken. Perhaps your child did not take 1st place in a competition, was ‘dumped’ by the ‘love of their life’, did not get the part they wanted in a production, was not chosen first on a team or was chosen last or not at all, or one of many other things that are so important to a child. Because of your own experiences, you know this painful experience will help your child grow and learn valuable life experiences that will help them handle larger and more difficult disappointments that life seems so full of.
As you process the disappointment with your child, with empathy, allowing them to fully express and experience their emotions, they will find comfort, feel loved, more at peace and most likely will either on their own or with your help, determine ways to improve so this does not happen the next time. These growth opportunities help your child be more resilient and stronger. You don’t take these experiences away from your child because you recognize the opportunities for growth. No doubt, it breaks your heart to experience it with them, but you also know of the benefit that will come and the maturity they will gain.
Our Heavenly Father, knows the beginning to the end. He knows these emotionally challenging events we experience in our life, even though they maybe extremely painful, we will see in this life or perhaps in the life to come, that the difficult experiences refined us, strengthened us, and helped us to become more like Him. Which is really His work and glory, to help us become as He is.
Physically
Our Heavenly Father has given us commandments, based on spiritual principles, that protect us physically.
Which commandments might these be?
⁃ Sabbath day worship
⁃ Treating our bodies as temples
⁃ Word of Wisdom
While these commandments seem to be for physical well-being and protection, they are spiritual in nature. Obedience to these commandments enable our spirits to control the physical needs and desires of our physical minds and bodies.
Sabbath Day Worship
The day of rest on the Sabbath is healthy for your body, mind and spirit. Physically it allows your body to recover and regenerate and it prevents overuse injuries. The one day a week break is also good for your mind to rest from the daily stresses of work and life. Resting your mind renews one’s power of concentration and bulks up the muscle of attention. (see https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-downtime/)
Treating our bodies as temples
Our bodies are God’s creations and house our spirits. Paul taught the Corinthians:
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Just as the Lord would not allow the temple to be defiled, He does not want us to defile the temples He has created to house our spirits.
Through revelations and modern prophets we are taught that tattoos, piercings, sexual relations outside of marriage, lack of exercise, ingesting and injecting harmful foods and substances are ways that we defile our physical bodies. What we read, watch, listen to, think and say defile our spiritual bodies.
Our Heavenly Father has given us commandments to protect us from defiling the temples He has created for us. Obedience to these commandments bring great blessings of better physical, spiritual and emotional health.
Word of Wisdom
The Word of Wisdom tells us which foods we should eat to strengthen and nourish our bodies and which substances must be avoided not only for the physical damage they cause but the spiritual and emotional damage, and physical and emotional addictions that can occur with use of them.
Those who obey the Word of Wisdom ” …shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them.” (Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21)
The Word of Wisdom is God’s law of health that protects us physically and spiritually
All of God’s commandments have been given by a loving Father to guide us through this life to protect us from the physical, spiritual and emotional challenges and keep us is in the safety and security of His love.
God the Perfect Father
God is the perfect Father. He sets the example of how we too can be more perfect fathers. He presides in love and righteousness, He provides the necessities of life, and He protects His family from all harm, when we choose to let Him.
Why?
You may be asking why this message at this time? I hope to provide a model, a perfect model, of how to be better fathers. I hope to challenge the public medias negative portrayal of fathers and hope that they will recognize the damage they are causing. Maybe it’s reality, maybe it isn’t. But portraying fathers in such a negative way is not the way to improve the world we live in, and the world our children and grandchildren will be living in. There are many good, strong, loving fathers, who each day do their best to preside, provide the necessities of life and protect their families. Many choose to follow the example of our perfect Father. Let’s use them in our movies and shows!
I also hope that in reading this each of you will better understand your true identity as spirit children of a perfect Heavenly Father, who loves you more than you can ever know. I hope that you feel His love for you, that you will embrace his grace, that you will turn to Him, to counsel with Him, to help you through your challenges. I promise you, He will hear your sincere prayer and desires, and will answer your prayers as a perfect father would.
Lastly, and most importantly, is to share that God lives. He is a loving Father of our spirits. He wants us to return to live with Him and His Begotten Son Jesus Christ. Through the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we are able to live eternally with them.
I ask that you show your love for your friends, family, and neighbors by sharing this message with as many as you can , especially those who are experiencing sorrow, pain, or just need to feel loved, so they too can bask in the love and warmth of a loving, perfect Father.